Showing interest in and caring for your husband is normal and expected in a healthy and happy relationship, but love and respect end once you move beyond the role of wife and lover to a mother who is sometimes giving, and sometimes domineering at other times. on my life.”
How do you know that you are the mother of your husband?
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You love your husband undoubtedly, and you mean good to him by helping him, but some do not prefer to treat him as a child in a mature relationship, and some behaviors that bear fruit with our children to improve their lives should never be applied with husbands without their permission, and there are some signs that you may know that you have exceeded the limits of your role .
The signs may differ according to the relationship and its requirements, some behaviors are clearer or worse than others, but all of them confirm the same thing, which is that you do not treat your husband as an adult, sane person capable of making his own decisions, such as overprotecting him, and that you think that one of your roles is to correct his behavior, so meet His needs before he tries to meet them, you fake a mother’s tone when you talk to him, remind him of his responsibilities assuming he will forget them, you always make him feel that he is blamed if he does something wrong, and you watch his steps inside and outside the house.
This may appear in waking him up in the morning to catch up with his work, or choosing the clothes that he should wear, or collecting his belongings such as glasses, keys and money in one place, or placing the food that he must eat on his plate, urging him to eat vegetables, and even reminding him of his illness and the need not to overindulge. Eat that food or drink, and even track him down to see if he’s taking his medication or not, and you might be curious to keep track of his expenses if he wants to buy something of his own.
How does that harm your relationship?
This behavior will not only destroy your intimate life, but the strict rules absorb feelings of romance and respect in marital relationships when one of the parties feels that they have to manage the life of the other, and if you are the one who runs your husband’s life, you will feel exhausted while you are with him, and the relaxation times after the trouble of the day turn into lectures about He spoils everything if he tries to help, which leads him to stop doing anything for fear of getting angry and putting the bulk of the responsibilities on you.
On the other hand, constantly criticizing your husband or worrying about him and observing his behavior is stressful, and you will lose your respect for him over time, and you will feel humiliated by being the one who complains on all occasions, and what is worse is that despite the unlimited giving (mothers giving) that you give in your relationship you will not Offset by your husband only resentment and loss of attraction towards you.
Some women imagine that the more she meets all the needs of her husband, he will become more dependent on her and will not be able to abandon her, and this may be true, but as a mother and not a wife, a man may be pleased with that excessive attention at first, but like a child who grows up will no longer need his mother, and will resort to Rebellion or separation to regain his self-esteem as long as he feels that he is incompetent and unreliable in your presence, and he will feel his need for a girlfriend, just as you will feel your need for a man and not a child.
raising your husband
There are some steps you can take to ease the harmful burden of motherhood off your shoulders and restore confidence in your husband’s abilities:
- If your husband is very dependent on you and you want him to understand how frustrated you are with his dependence, you should communicate with him clearly, avoid yelling and talking emotionally, and stop playing the role of the sacrifice, and only tell him your feelings about this amount of pressure, using clear words that he can understand so that he sees things from your opinion.
- Don’t criticize or correct what your husband is doing just because he didn’t complete a task the way you wanted, and practice taking it easy. It may be difficult at first, but when something bothers you ask yourself “Is it really worth getting into an argument or lecturing on My husband?”, or “Which is better: Proving me right or having a quiet night?” And rest assured that letting go of the little things will restore peace to your relationship.
- Stop doing the things he should do for himself. If he asks you if you know where his keys are, say “I don’t know”, and let him look for them himself. Don’t suggest his clothes to him without asking you what you think. Don’t go against his craving for an unhealthy meal at night. It means to stop being loving, caring and supportive of him, but to stop being his mother.
Some women imagine that the more she fulfills all her husband’s needs, the more dependent he will become on her (Shutterstock) - Determine the responsibilities of each person inside the house, and hang the paper for the reminder, and do not take responsibility even when your husband makes a mistake, or blame yourself for trusting him, let him make mistakes and face the consequences of forgetting or making the wrong decision to treat it in his own way.
- Set healthy boundaries in your relationship with your husband that will help re-establish the principle of respect in your relationship. The first is that you treat him as a competent, reliable and responsible person. Do not remind him of the information he must remember, and remember that he is a qualified adult who can perform his duties, and make sure that after some time He’ll learn how to better keep track of his own schedule without yelling or whining from you.
Remember that motherhood is stressful and unnecessary for men (Getty Images) - Show him your gratitude for what he does and praise him a lot, especially in front of others. A man strives to give more and improve himself constantly if he receives thanks for what he does and feels the importance of what he offers and his skill in it, even if he does not perform it perfectly, your encouragement will push him to impress you next time.
- Make a list of all the ways you’ve been a mother in your relationship. The first step in changing your behavior is realizing this. Then, talk to your husband about your penchant for being a mother, and agree to remind each other if either of you starts to fall into this trap again.
- Remember that motherhood is stressful and unnecessary unless those feelings are directed at a real child, and try for once to be a mother to yourself and take care of her and her emotional needs of love and attention.