We know in the current era the importance of paying attention to our children and hearing them, giving them the opportunity to express their feelings, and emphasizing their respect. Bad faith, unfortunately, will know that life is not fair, and that some adults misbehave too.
Why should your child respond to rude adults?
We agree above all that adults should be respected, but respect must be mutual, so we give it to children and expect it in return. As for outside the house, the child may find himself obliged to defend his right as long as he is far from our eyes. His friend’s mother may act with him selfishly to defend her wrong son, and the new teacher may bully him because of his long hair, and the neighbor may lie to him if she lures him to spy on the secrets of the house, and pushes the child His morals to defend his right and the right behavior that he was raised on.
experts agree Pediatric that self-defence is a healthy behavior from an evolutionary point of view. Suppressing the ability to say “no” and not respond to adults if they cross their personal boundaries is one of the most common and insidious causes of human suffering. In contrast, the child who sets limits to his personality, defends the principles he learned from his parents, and his right against transcendent adults, is the happiest and child most successful in the future.
The question lies in how the child deals with the problems he faces with adults outside the family, in ways that make them worse or better, and whether or not he learns from those encounters, and to what extent the argument continues to defend his right against an adult of bad manners, or will adults find it an opportunity To scold our children even if it is right for them?
Conflict resolution skills with adults
Leading lifestyle and social etiquette expert Elaine Swann, in her book How to Get What You Want Politely and Deal With Rude People Kindly, offers several tips for parents to train children to stand up for themselves in front of adults, which will help you raise a child who makes the world a better place. Kindly and respectfully:
1- The child should smile to the adult when he starts talking, then express and describe his feelings, using his pronoun and simple phrases. Expressing what we feel is the least hostile way to talk to anyone, as it does not put him in a defensive position that forces him to prove the correctness of his position in front of the other, who He is in this case an innocent child in unequal competition.
2- Your child can be trained to start the dialogue by saying: “Excuse me, sir/T”, in order to draw the person’s attention and recognize his status as an adult, and to reduce the possibility of him taking a defensive stance before hearing the child’s argument.
3- The child begins his complaint and expresses his need for his help without emotion, he says, “I do not mean to be impolite, but while I was busy drawing, your honor’s son took my pens, and I don’t think you agree with that, so I need your help to get my pen back from him,” or ” I don’t mean to interrupt you, but I’m sad that you called me…, and I’m sure you didn’t mean to insult me, but it hurt my feelings.”
4- The child must know when to stop and move away from the embarrassing situation in order to prevent escalation with a rude adult, and to resort to another official in the place if he is unable to communicate his point of view after two attempts.
5-Teach your child to set boundaries between him and strangers, and to take two steps back before talking to strangers, whether they are adults or his age, and to leave at the appropriate time if the conversation turns into a quarrel, his safety comes before the necessity of restoring the right, and if he sees his friend or brother involved in Arguing or being bullied, put his arm around his shoulders and say, “Listen, we have to leave now.” This is the first conflict-resolution skill.
6- Teach your child to avoid getting into an argument with bad people if they have authority in the place, such as the mother of a colleague in her house, or the teacher in the classroom, or the seller in the store, the child will not win in his argument with them.
7- Talk to your child politely and gently, as he is like a sponge, automatically absorbing all your behaviors. Imagine that your child uses your statements in arguing with adults, trying to point out their mistakes, interrupting them while they are talking, or correcting their views and bad behavior. If he does that, he will be the only loser in any discussion with the adults, even if they are wrong about him.
So listen to your child, show empathy, apologize if you misbehave, and don’t make fun of his or her failures. For example, you could say, “I see you’re working hard on your painting, how beautiful, I’ll get you a sponge to clean the floor and wipe the paint,” instead of saying, “You are so careless and always make a mess around you.”
8- Make your behavior a model for what you wish from your child in similar situations. Use phrases that express you and your feelings if he misbehaves, such as “I am sad, I hurt my feelings when I screamed / You refused to help me / You described me as unpleasant / I took my things without permission, and I am confident of You didn’t mean to hurt my feelings,” and then apply several different scenarios to practice his own defense skills in an argument.